I am #lucky #blessed to get to vacation every year. I make it a priority to get out town (or if i can!, the country!) to see other cities, bodies of water, and generally just not think about work. Recharging from my demanding job is crucial to my well being, but when it comes to ocean adventures I find it so freaking stressful to find a swimsuit that suits my body (big hips, small boobs, early 30-s body that has somehow shifted metabolism and made it tricky to figure out how the fuck to keep slim sometimes). 

People, why is this so hard? A dude finds a swimsuit in minutes. Cool let me find some shorts. Done. What's next. 

For women though: it's like this, Should I buy a one piece or a two piece? What the hell is my size? Will this fall off my boobs in the water? Will this not fit my hips? Why is this so expensive?

I spent a solid amount of money at Mara Hoffman and I was severely disappointed. I bought the cutest looking high waisted black briefs and then a regular brief pair that went so well with a cute little bikini top that had a removable halter knot. All told that shit was like $700 with tax and shipping. I thought because they were using a model that looked normal (read, has stretch marks, was equally beautiful) that it would work for my real woman body. WRONG. Seriously WTF, Mara Hoffman. Two seconds in the ocean made every piece from the recent collection stretch out and they were so unattractive. Ugh! Frustrating!

Thankfully I brought a separate swimsuit with me. Just one! From a smaller Australian brand, Ephemera, that is known for their split one-piece suits. Ephemera has made the best swimsuit that looks incredible and you can actually swim in. I took a total gamble and it completely paid off. The customer service is incredibly quick and friendly. I was surprised that the size small fit my hips (which hover around the 37" territory these days), but it was perfect. I swam for literal miles in the open ocean and was a good girl about hand rinsing and laying my suit flat to dry each day. The color stays true, the seams are great, it's all good. 

Their Noir swimsuit is an absolute worthwhile investment for anyone who loves actually swimming (freestyle, kayaking, any water sports really) and also loves looking great for silly material aesthetic reasons. 

I'm wearing the Noir Split One Piece (size small) in the photos above, but they make tons of other incredibly attractive swimsuits. Check them out here! I am going to invest in another one piece before the summer is out just to keep two on hand for weekend trips.